improvisations on literature : music : film : the spiritual : the political : the ridiculous
J'ai vecu comme un fou et j'ai perdu mon temps
And your point is?
That I feel like I'm standing on a corner, hollering through through a megaphone, "You want my latest opinion about the President? How about my opinion of Japanese enzyme baths. Or breakfast wraps-you need to hear what I have to say about breakfast wraps!"????Except, of course, I have no earthly idea what a Japanese enzyme bath is. See, I'm not even as hip as the guy in the cartoon, and yet I think people out there in the world want to hear what I have to say. I do, however, have strong opinions about the President and about breakfast wraps.Go ahead, ask me. I dare you.
So, do you like breakfast wraps?
Breakfast wraps are fine. But they're really just an Anglicized version of a breakfast taco or breakfast burrito, aren't they? Middle-class, white America's inability to deal with something "Mexican." The Other. The Foreigner. Oh, let's call it a "Wrap," so we don't have to face the truth. Yet another manifestation of our hypocritical, neo-colonial attitude towards our neighbors to the south. We don't want your stinking little brown people over here, but we'll take your cuisine, make it much blander and tasteless, since we can't handle your "spice," your exoticness, your "otherness," and then we'll turn it into a billion-dollar industry. And while we shove NAFTA down your throats and completely destroy your long history of small, community farming, so that your pathetic indigenous people have to move to the cities, and we build our Fence to keep your dirty, dark-skinned, non-European, inferior masses out of our precious Burger King/Wal-Mart shopping mall of paradise (watch out for the psychotic, gun-toting teenagers!), we will allow a few of you to cook for us this cuisine we've robbed from you and magically turned into a cardboard-tasting "wrap," stuffed with frozen, mass-produced egg-flavored soy product, artificial "bacon" substitute, and genetically engineered "cheese," grown from bio-doctored corn on our large-scale, corporate-run "farms," which are given billions of dollars in Federal subsidies and allowed to destroy our own tradition of family farming. But we're going to terrorize your brown asses with unannounced Immigration busts, white supremist "community groups" that are allowed to beat you up, racist and inhumane laws that keep your kids stupid and scare you into not going to the hospital when you're bleeding to death, and obese and spiritually corrupt "commentators" frothing their mad spume of hatred and disgust at you and your kind for not speaking the "right" language in Wal-Mart Land. And if you don't get the Super-Glutton-Size order of Breakfast Wrap #2 for that fine young, 312-pound pasty-faced cretin who can't even find his own hometown on a map, we're going to fire your greasy, bean-eating ass, quarter you in the parking lot with 4 Hummers, and send your pieces back to the sick, diseased land you came from.Breakfast wraps are fine.
See, that was worth reading.
I didn't even go into Chicken Ceasar Salad wraps.
Wraps were one of those things that happened to the United States when I was away. I came back after eleven years and said "What's that?" and theanswer was "a wrap."
I'm very disappointed in Wikipedia's entry for wrap. It's very short, gives no history, and no citations. Somehow, Bobby Valentine, former Mets manager, is involved in the story. Of course, he is. "A Wrap is a food product consisting of meat, lettuce or other traditional sandwich fillings wrapped in a pita or soft flour tortilla." So, what the difference between that and a burrito?Their entry for burrito is much better, with several excellent links, including the don't-miss Timeline of the Burrito. The burrito originated in 1840 - did you know that? I was out of the country then, too. No entry for Japanese enzyme bath. I guess Wikipedia's keeping that secret from geeks like me. If you have to ask what it is, then you must not really need one.
hey Will,the little bird who told me about Stony Brook wasn't a person - it was the site meter :-)
Damn site meter.What's a site meter? What else does it say about me? If it mentions that incident in Barcelona, it's not true. I've never been to Barcelona, I've never worn a dress, and she told me she was 21.
Hmmm - nothing about a dress, but it thinks you have a PC, that you use internet explorer for a browser, and Microsoft WinXP as an OS. Oh, and how sad - it believes your PC only has 16 bit color depth :-(
Sorry - I know it's creepy to think someone knows stuff about you. Once a friend told me she could tell what browser I was using when I visited her blog. She talked me into getting site meter. It just tells where a hit comes from - city and country - and what kind of browser and OS they use. Nothing more personal than that ... I just guessed it was you becuse I don't know many people from NY.
So how do I get access to the site meter?
They're free, though I think you can pay for more detailed ones. Here ... link
Thanks, Crystal!BTW, do you know what a Japanese enzyme bath is?
Funny that you mention that Crystal. Whenever I clear my history, your site still comes up highlighted as linked. Wassup with that? Do you leave some kind of permanent cookie behind?
Jeff - I have no idea what that's about. Do blogs have cookies?Will - Japanese enzyme bath?
Japanese enzyme bath. Like in the cartoon. What is it? Why isn't it in wikipedia?Jeff? Do YOU know what a Japanese enzyme bath is?BTW, the story about Barcelona may - MAY - be true, but the info about my computer is wrong. It has 32-bit color, not 16.
It's a permanent cookie that Crystal's website leaves on your machine.No, here it is.
Hey, Crystal, if you're going to be leaving cookies on my machine, I prefer that they be oatmeal and raisin. Organic, if possible, but that's not necessary. La Reina ALWAYS wins the cookie wars, so we ALWAYS have to have something with chocolate.The "permanent" part sounds a little scary, though. Is that like a maraschino cherry that stays in your body for 7 years?Jeff, thanks for not knowing what a Japanese enzyme bath was. I appreciate the link and explanation. I could have done that myself, I suppose. After failing on Wikipedia, I became discouraged. I didn't realize the internet extended beyond that point.
Nobody's asked me about chicken caesar salad wraps, yet.Or the President.I'm still willing to let you know how I feel.We don't even have to make it chicken caesar salad "wraps." I'm flexible enough to talk about chicken caesar salads in general.
Or even caesar salads. I mean, I haven't even hinted at what's happened in this country to the long, noble tradition of caesar salads.
Well, okay, that last comment certainly "hinted" at my feelings about caesar salads.But I hadn't hinted about it before then.
Caesar Salad Served HereNew York Times. July 30, 1947; p.18."We return again to the Caesar salad. This so-typical-of-California dish, called by one authority 'possibly the greatest advance in salad fabrication in several centuries,' is being served this summer at that relatively new restaurant, the Little Club, at 70 East Fifty-fifth Street.Is this news? We think so, because we know of few other eating establishments in the city at which you can order this triumph in cookery. . . . But never before have we noticed it on a New York menu."
I have to apologize.As an editor, I'm horrified at my conduct. I didn't capitalize Caesar salad in most of my earlier comments.Please, forgive me.
Post a Comment
nothing is real
nothing is real